If you’ve spent any amount of time trying to improve your writing skills, you will undoubtedly have come across the idea that every line should be significant.
New writers often rebuke this as pure nonsense. Arguing that great writing can carry the reader through inconsequential moments.
“Sure,” they say, “this shopping list from 2350 may seem boring, but I’ll write it so well that…”
This idea is particularly true with science fiction and fantasy writers, who sometimes value rich ideas above story. And to an extent, they’re right.
The advice comes from a very modern idea of how to tell a story. If you’ve read any classical literature, or indeed anything from the pre-war era, you’ll know older authors could ramble on at length on meaningless details. Dickens was renowned for rambling descriptions that bore very little significance to the story or reader, despite being well written.
So if Dickens and Tolkien and F. Scott Fitzgerald could all do it, we can clearly see the advice that every line must be important to the story is an exaggeration. There are plenty of examples of beautiful prose that could be cut with regards to character, world or plot, but still stand as examples of great writing. After all isn’t half the point of writing just making absurdly beautiful sentences anyway?
All that being said, it’s important for writers to appreciate how disciplined writing can result in great storytelling. After all, if we as writers can’t appreciate the importance of every sentence in our work, then why should we expect readers to?
One of my favourite examples is Marko Kloos’ Aftershocks. The introduction to the story is, theoretically, of little consequence; the main character isn’t being shot at, in a chase or meeting a wizard. He’s just looking out of a window. Yet in the very first paragraph of this book, we learn so much about Kloos’ world and the character talking, that it instantly hooks us into the story.
Needless to say, there are SPOILERS AHEAD
“Even from the windows of a prison, Rhodia was a beautiful place.
Aden liked to spend the half hour between breakfast and morning orders sitting in the central atrium by himself. From seven hundred meters up, the panoramic windows offered a stunning view of what seemed like most of the southern continent. The graceful and elegant arcologies of the capital rose into the sky in the distance, so tall that on some day their tops disappeared in the clouds. Beyond, the ocean shimmered, turquoise and blue. For variety, the Rhodians moved their POWs from one section of the detainment arcology to another every year, each time facing a different cardinal direction so every prisoner could have a change of scenery. Last year, Aden had a stunning view of the great snowcapped mountain range that divided the single continent of this planet. This year, it was the distant city, ocean and tranquil skies. He had been a prisoner of war for five years, but Aden still hadn’t quite made up his mind whether a beautiful prison was really better than an austere one.”
This paragraph’s an easy read. We don’t feel overwhelmed by information, as we’re simply being shown a scenic view. Yet the amount of information covertly conveyed is huge, and hooks us into the character and the word.
“Even from the windows of a prison, Rhodia was a beautiful place.”
It’s an amazing hook. The oxymoron – a beautiful prison – instantly yanks us in. This theme of harsh pragmatism combining with beautiful surroundings will form the basis for Aden’s story. Throughout the book he is presented with wonderful sights and opportunities, denied him, out of circumstance. The line serves its purpose in drawing the reader in, and sets the tone for the rest of the story.
“Aden liked to spend the half hour between breakfast and morning orders sitting in the central atrium by himself.”
This line continues the theme. We are presented with another contrast. We can see from the strict routine of prison life that Aden has very few rights. Indeed, “orders” implies a militaristic control to his confinement. And yet, he’s allowed free time, that he chooses to spend alone.
This sets up an idea of a society of excess and arrogance. They’re clearly taking the security of these prisoners seriously, but have the resources and time to allow them to wander off and do what they want. It also sets Aden apart from this society: he’s a loner. Not only is he in prison, but he’s choosing to isolate himself from his fellow inmates.
“From seven hundred meters up, the panoramic windows offered a stunning view of what seemed like most of the southern continent.”
This builds on the ideas of excess seeded in the previous line; these people give their prisoners panoramic views of the continent? However the height implies that this society may be suffering from major issues. Their prison is 700m in the air, presumably a skyscraper. This hints at either an enormous number of prisoners, or a lack of space to house them. The reference to ‘most of the southern continent’ being seen out one window confirms this: This society lacks territory.
“The graceful and elegant arcologies of the capital rose into the sky in the distance, so tall that on some day their tops disappeared in the clouds.”
This sentence ties together all the previous ideas; Rhodia is a society building incredibly tall arcologies, something only needed if you lack space. However despite the necessity of their actions, they’ve built them “graceful and elegant”. It’s a society with a overwhelming need for new land, but despite this, they still value beauty alongside pragmatism.
“Beyond, the ocean shimmered, turquoise and blue.”
This sentence, more than any other, seems of little significance. However, considering Aden is looking over half a continent here, the fact he can see the ocean is worrying. It really emphasises the lack of land, and brings the themes we’ve been juggling to a gentle rest.
“For variety, the Rhodians moved their POWs from one section of the detainment arcology to another every year, each time facing a different cardinal direction so every prisoner could have a change of scenery.”
Tying new ideas to Aden’s previous musings on the view, we are introduced to an important element: Aden is a prisoner of war. This informs us that Rhodia has been in a war, and Aden was on the other side. This is a war of significance, enough so that Rhodia created a system to manage loads of POWs for years.
We get another reminder of Rhodia’s lack of land – apparently they house their POWs within sight of their capital – and also their values as a civilisation – they afford POWs skyscraper accommodations with brilliant views, even taking the time to rotate them to avoid boredom.
“Last year, Aden had a stunning view of the great snowcapped mountain range that divided the single continent of this planet.”
Once again, pressing home the dire need for land on this planet. However, it also presses home the beauty of the planet. It was directly stated in the opening line, but now we’re realising that every view of Rhodia is beautiful. It hints at the base for the Rhodians prioritising beauty over pragmatism. Their world is a beautiful one, but a harsh world nonetheless, with little land suitable for life – a mountain range dissects the continent. You need to appreciate beauty in a harsh world to want to live here.
“This year, it was the distant city, ocean and tranquil skies.”
We understand from this list, and the previous sentence that Aden has been imprisoned here for years. This rotation of views is routine to him, as is prison life. We also understand that Rhodia is always beautiful. This is his reflection of the views from years of imprisonment, not just right now.
“He had been a prisoner of war for five years, but Aden still hadn’t quite made up his mind whether a beautiful prison was really better than an austere one.”
This closing sentence to the paragraph ties together the themes set before us, both for Aden as a character and for us as the reader. Aden has been imprisoned for a long time, long enough to have been imprisoned in both “austere” conditions and this new prison. However, on a personal level, he values his freedom as an individual too highly to consider this prison better than any other. This is the basis for his character, shown throughout the book. Free will above anything else.
It also gives us a glimpse at the conflicts prevalent throughout the book’s world. The Rhodian’s enemies, the Gretians, are a much harsher society, more befitting a traditional “evil empire”. They are the “austere” prison. But as we go through the story we can see that the beautiful and good Rhodians are in many ways just as bad. They may have beautiful cities, and a beautiful way of life, but to Aden, they press upon his liberties even more intrusively than his home world.
This one paragraph in the story manages to present all the key plot and character themes in less than two hundred words, disguised as a simple description of the POV’s surrounding. This is because Kloos makes sure that every sentence contributes to the reader’s understanding of the world. The discipline presented here hooks the reader in, and promises a world complex and intriguing.
It may not be poetry. In essence, it’s rather straightforward writing. But it’s brilliant storytelling.
You can buy Aftershocks here:
The Fellowship Of Ink 